Updated: May 20
Our relationships have huge potential to be containers for healing.
Because of our conditioning and the way we have been raised with so much shame, shut down and toxic messaging around our sexuality, many of us come into relationships having had experiences that haven't served us and which haven't helped us grow into our sexual years in an empowered, beautiful, sensual, happy way.
And I'm not just talking about women. Men are in this place, too, there's so much toxicity about how men have to perform: goals, outcome, how hard they are, how long they last, how amazing they are as lovers…..
There is just so much pressure on all of us; on women and on men.
And we come into the relationships with all of these pressures, our needs, fears and anxieties and more!
And sadly, very often, they lock horns. Our fears, shame, trauma and pressures all mix together inside the melting pot of the relationship and if we are not conscious about what is going on, it drives us apart.
If we are able to create a relationship that is a safe place where we are able to truly trust each other, then we are able to use that relationship to do incredibly deep healing.
But we do need really good quality tools to do it.
At the moment, most people either turn to someone outside of the relationship for help or find some kind of pharmaceutical product to deal with the symptoms that are showing up.
So whether it's a man reaching for Viagra, a woman reaching for some product, or one or both of us seeking help from a therapist/counsellor/sex coach (or other professional); we tend to take our problems outside of the relationship to “experts” to fix us.
What if we’re not broken?
What if, what we currently see as problems are actually opportunities to deepen our intimacy?
What if we created relationships that are so safe, our “problems” brought us ever closer together?
What I would like to invite you to consider is the possibility that with the right tools and by learning a few simple practices, you could turn your relationship into this beautiful place of safety, so that it becomes a place of healing for you and your partner.
A place where your love is solid and strong, where your sex gets better and better and your intimacy and connection gets ever deeper.
All this is completely possible.
I have been using Tantric-inspired tools in my life and in my relationship for a number of years now. And they're really not very complicated.
There is so much baggage out there in the wider world about what Tantra is, and what Tantricas do and are and who you need to be to access this magic.
And the reality is that you don't really need to be anything, you just need to be human being. A human being who is open to some simple practices, who is able to breathe, who is able to focus for periods of time, who is able to change their intention, who is able to take on some new ideas and is able to touch.
It's really that simple.
Simple and powerful.