IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
“The vagina is not nearly as free today in the West as we are led to believe - both because its full role is seriously misunderstood and also because it is disrespected.”
Naomi Wolf ~ Vagina
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
If you find sex a chore, if you struggle with low libido, if you find yourself agreeing to sex to keep your partner happy, please know that you are not alone. When it comes to sexual intimacy, so many of us feel broken, lost, unworthy, a failure…..
The giddy delights of orgasmic sex can, so easily, feel out of reach. Our lives get busy so we run out of time for sex, arguments and stress bounce us out of the mood, sex becomes rushed and repetitive so we stop enjoying it…..in the modern world, it seems it is harder and harder for women to enjoy incredible sex.
And incredible sex matters to women, possibly even more than it matters to men (shocking but true). The heady cocktail of biochemicals that flow through our bodies as a result of good sex bring laugher, happiness, joy, fizziness, spark, confidence, creativity, feistiness, boldness, lightness, wisdom and courage into our lives.
I am told that women just want to feel safe and intimate with their partners.
I KNOW we want to feel so much more!! I know that whilst we can survive a life without good sex, we can’t thrive in it. When our bodies don’t hum and vibrate with sexual spark our lives become grey, meaningless and dull.
“Camilla’s gentle manner made it easier than I imagined to confront my fears, as she held me purposefully and kindly through the process.”
What’s happened to all the promises of sexual liberation?
Why do so many of us suffer with vaginal depression which colours our lives monotonous grey?
Why do so few of us experience good sex, the kind of sex that lights us from the inside?
Hypoactive Sexual Disorder - a horribly clinical term for what is a very deep sadness in women - suggests there is something wrong with us, I don’t believe there is. And it is certainly not our fault:
We have been “taught” a model of sex which pays scant attention to female pleasure and too often causes us harm.
We have been raised in a society which views female sexuality as shameful, disgusting, sinful and wrong. From repulsion and anger directed towards our bodies (is our menstrual blood welcomed and celebrated anywhere?!) to negative language (fishy fanny anyone?) to thousands of years of dogma from misogynistic faiths, few of us have grown up with sex-positive beliefs.
Most of us carry some degree of sexual pain in our bodies preventing us from feeling our true pleasure. This can range from our own direct experiences of sexual abuse to consensual sex that was unpleasurable/painful to inherited sexual trauma carried in our DNA.
Unconscious of our deep sexual wounds and the sex-negative beliefs we carry within us, we continue to consent to sexual experiences which fail to give us any pleasure…. so adding to our trauma and strengthening our belief that sex is “bad”, “disgusting” or even “sinful” or simply pleasurable only for other people.