This was a question I had never thought to ask but found answered for me the other day by Google. Genuinely, I stumbled across a whole article explaining how a gay cunt is physically different to a straight cunt.
The argument made by the author was that lesbians are wired to orgasm through oral (clitoral) sex whilst straight women are wired to orgasm vaginally. Freud lives on! Freud famously described clitoral orgasms as “immature” and I got the distinct impression that this article was explaining that “proper” women orgasm when they have vaginal penetration (with a man), but that “less-than” women are stuck with just their clitoris for company.
The author answered his own question by deciding that yes, because gay women and straight women have completely different routes to orgasm that their vaginas are constructed differently.
My initial response to the article was to roll my eyes….more simplistic labelling that forces people into completely different camps whether or not it fits with their actual experience.
Most of my straight female friends, colleagues and clients report that orgasm is best when the clitoris is involved in some way. It may be just from oral sex, it may be blended with vaginal penetration, it may be blended with nipple or anal pleasure.
Reading that I have a “lesbian vagina” based on the fact I am very orgasmic when I receive oral sex made me chuckle, for the record I enjoy receiving oral sex from men as well as women, but what about the fact that my cunt loves to wrap itself around a cock and grip it tightly as it orgasms? And what about my lesbian friends who enjoy orgasmic sex with dildos?
You just can’t define people and put them into tight little boxes based on where they experience orgasm in their body, and doing so is incredibly limiting to our sexual experience to do so. This kind of labelling doesn't just hurt women, it hurts men too - many men are scared to explore anal pleasure because they are scared it will mean they are gay. It’s madness - we are all shutting ourselves down to so much pleasure because of the labels we attach to our experience.
What the “Lesbian Vagina/Straight Vagina” article didn’t seem to know is that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN’S VAGINA IS DIFFERENT. Our vaginas don’t fall into one or another camp - they are all unique. And because they are all unique, every single woman has a different sexual experience to every other woman.
The difference in their external appearance is just the beginning.
Beneath the surface, the network of nerves that receive and communicate sensation is vast, complex and infinitely varied.
Just as no two trees in the forest are the same, neither are the complex pelvic nerves of any two women the same.
A woman who happens to be gay is going to have a completely different pelvic nerve to a woman who happens to be straight. But then a woman who is straight is going to have a completely different pelvic nerve to another woman who's straight and one lesbian is going to have a completely different pelvic nerve to another lesbian. We are all different and we are all completely unique.
So my suggestion is that you learn to understand your unique pleasure. Get curious and, as importantly, give yourself permission to feel pleasure where you feel it - it doesn’t make you more or less lesbian, more or less straight, or a bad feminist (I believed for years I couldn’t call myself a feminist because I enjoyed penetrative sex).
And if a lover of yours reads a bullshit article that says you that you must be a lesbian because you happen to enjoy oral sex, re-educate them! Be kind, smile and just say “Darling, I'm different to every other lover you've ever known. Because I'm me and I'm unique. Just as you are different to every other lover I've ever known, because you're different and you are unique.”
Your pleasure may be clitoral, it may be vaginal, it may be exquisitely located in your goddess spot, it may be anal, or maybe you experience the best pleasure in your nipples, or your feet? There is no hierarchy to sexual pleasure (whatever Freud said). Silence judgement, be curious and playful - give yourself permission to get to know your unique pleasure and invite your partner to do the same with their unique pleasure.
If you would like to learn more about the different ways you can work with me to experience a better sex life, book a complimentary and confidential call with me: