However much we enjoy deep, hard penetration, it is almost never without deep sensuality, gentleness and sensitivity.
We need time for our bodies to open enough to receive the deep, hard fucking that makes our souls sing.
Most women deeply yearn for incredible sensitivity and sensuality; gentle, soft, sensual awakening.
And I am going to suggest to you that we are not alone.
I know men have been powerfully conditioned into thinking they have to show up for sex with stonking large, hard erections - but I also know that they want more.
They want to be given the space to be seen, held, loved, enjoyed, cherished, respected and adored for more than just a large, hard erection.
Just as we want to be valued for more than our bra size, so they want to be valued for more than the size and strength of their erection.
There is incredible power and deep, deep intimacy in growing comfortable sexually with a soft cock.
Just as we want our bodies to receive a contrast of experiences from soft and sensual to deep and hard - SO DO THEY, it’s just much, much, much harder with their conditioning to ask for it.
If we want the soft, juicy, gentle, sensuous, vulnerable side of our men in relationships, we need to be really comfortable with their soft, sensitive, vulnerable side sexually.
I see an inconsistency between our desire for soft, sensual and gentle sex and our equal desire for our men to be hard and strident, powerful and strong all the time.
This creates a kind of push/pull in us: we want the soft gentleness and yet we also reject the softness!
It is not unusual for women to respond to male softness with horror, fear, shutdown and rejection.
So many of male clients have told me over the years of the pain they have felt when they don’t get an erection because the woman they were with turned her back on him, withdrew her hand and made him feel like a failure.
As a woman I understand the response. I understand that we turn away from soft cocks because of our fear that we're no longer desirable, I have the same thing running in me. And I have done exactly the same thing.
But here’s the thing, well two things:
His erection does not have to be the only way in which he can show his desire for us
His erection has nothing to do with us! His erection is all about him: about his levels of stress, about his levels of sexual desire in his body, about how rested he feels, maybe even how safe he feels.
So we could honour and cherish the fact that he is with us in this really deeply intimate moment when he is soft, gentle, sensitive, vulnerable; when he is maybe hurting a bit, maybe a bit sad, maybe feeling a little bit anxious, maybe a bit worried. And love him to bits!
Isn’t this exactly the emotional connection we also yearn for?
I think there is so much potential for us as women to enjoy sex with men so much more before they have erections, or even without erections.
There is so much we can do, so much we can explore together.
And I even have this kind of this sneaking suspicion, that the reason why some men don't have erections is because they want to be held, they want to be seen, they want to be loved exactly as they are.
They want to feel as though they don't have to perform for us. Life as a man is about so much performance, maybe they want something different in their intimate relationships?
Maybe, like us, they just want to be held and loved and seen and cherished exactly as they are?
I worry that in our need to always have a stonking erection to prove our value as a woman, that we're pushing away the very thing we want the most from them: we want this softness, we want their sensuality, we want their sensitivity and we want their vulnerability.
So let's embrace it.
Let's start really celebrating and literally holding these beautiful, soft, velvety, cocks in our hands; kissing them, loving them, celebrating them, adoring them, worshiping them, cherishing them.
And yeah, when and if they get hard, that's great, too…..
But let's not only desire hardness in our men. Let’s give them a break from running on Warrior energy the whole time, let's also enjoy his soft, vulnerable, deeply connected, heart centered Lover energy.
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