People tend to make contact with me because they are looking for ways to improve their sex lives.
We all want better sex - we all want to feel more in sex, we want to experience more in sex, we want more connection, we want bigger, deeper, fuller, more incredible orgasms.
We just want more.
And I'm going to celebrate the fact that we want more!!
Why not? We've had enough of the stale, boring, prosaic, narrow sex that has been our experience for decades, even centuries.
As humans, we have reached a point where we want better - we want more. We want something more amazing, more incredible, more connected, more orgasmic, more nourishing…..
How do we get more?
How do we get to experience more incredible?
How do we get to experience something more amazing?
In this blog post I'm going to suggest that we examine the role of tempo in creating incredible sexual experiences.
The standard, patriarchal, model of sex has it all neatly laid out for us: a little bit of foreplay to warm her up, penetrate as quickly as you can (have you seen how quickly this happens in all films?!) then “Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am”, off you go...the “train is in the tunnel”....rapid movements, lots of friction…. with male climax as the ultimate goal.
We know this model is not truly satisfying anybody.
It's really, really not satisfying many women.
And I don't believe it satisfies that many men, most of whom I know actually really want to get lost in the joy of female ecstasy.
We all yearn for a longer, more luscious, more sensual, more connected experience. And one of the simplest ways to experience this is to not rush, to forget about any goals and to vary the tempo.
Variety is the spice of life and this is never truer than in sex.
Artful lovers are like orchestral conductors who hold an audience’s rapt attention by constantly changing the tempo. They direct all the different parts of the orchestra (think different pleasure points on the body) to coordinate moments of exquisite stillness and quiet, all the way through to loud, expansive crescendos.
An audience would not be satisfied with a performance that got stuck in one tempo, either the quiet and still moments or the loud crescendos.
Lovers who learn the art of varying the tempo, who understand that sex is a journey and that the best sex has no beginning and no end but is a continuous dance between lovers, are those that have the most rewarding and exciting sex.
They enjoy experimenting with different tempos, different speeds, different movements. They are comfortable with softness as well as hardness, they enjoy connecting with cool sexual energy as well as hot and urgent sexual energy.
Much of the reason why I think so many women get bored of sex and end up rejecting it, is because they have only ever experienced crescendo sex - the hot, urgent, loud and brief moments when male sexual energy is demanding and selfish.
When women tell me they can’t imagine sex lasting for more than 10-20 minutes and that they couldn’t bear it to last any longer, I know they have only experienced one tempo - hard, fast and furious crescendo sex.
We have so much more to give each other, so much more to share.
If you would like to learn more about the different ways you can work with me to experience a better sex life, book a complimentary and confidential call with me: