Has sex become another chore?
Does sex find itself next to ironing as the thing you feel you ought to do, but keep putting off?
Maybe you even prefer the ironing?!
If sex has become a chore, if you’re not enjoying it, it means you really, really, really, really need to STOP.
Not stop altogether - no you actually need good sex for your own health and well being. What I want you to do is stop having the sex that brings you no pleasure, the sex that feels like a chore, because that sex is killing your libido.
If you’re not enjoying sex you need to create some space to learn to honour and love and cherish and respect and enjoy your body again before you step back into having sex with your partner.
It is OK to say, “I need time for me. I need time to reclaim something I have lost over [however many years].”
Not enjoying sex with your partner doesn’t mean the relationship is broken.
It doesn’t mean that you are broken.
It doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that you are allowing something to happen to your body that your body is not enjoying.
Funnily enough, if your body is repeatedly doing something that it doesn’t enjoy it’s going to get more and more shut down to it.
The more sex you have from a place of endurance and because you think you have to keep someone else happy, the harder and harder it is going to be to access your own pleasure because you are strengthening your body’s neural wiring to experience sex as an unpleasant experience.
Lost libido is often little more than a body that does not experience enough pleasure from sex.
The more you dishonour your body, the more disconnected you are going to get from it and the more self loathing of yourself and your body you will experience.
And the cruelest irony is that sex that does not work for you is not working for anybody. Trust me! You are not mending or sustaining any relationship by enduring unpleasurable sex.
Our partners want happy, engaged, connected, involved lovers. Sex with someone who does not want to be there is a soulless and destructive experience.
When you submit to sex that you find boring, painful, shameful, disappointing or disgusting you are dishonouring yourself, you are dishonouring your partner and you are dishonouring the relationship.
If you find sex is a chore and you would rather do the ironing, please stop.
Then create the time and space to talk and grow together and create a way of experiencing sex that brings you alive.